Out Here On My Own
by FantasyLover74
Summary: Reposting of one of my one shots. Leah is tried of the pain is decided to go out on her own. read more inside


To let everyone know I am go over all of my stories to add something to them. When it comes to story idea they can come from anything and everything. You know how sometimes some songs just popped into your head for no reason at all, and you just can't get it out of your mind. Well this is how this little one shot came to me at work on day and it was just begging to be written.

When I arrived home that night it took a few hours to get the jest of what I wanted to be said down. They I sent it to be read over by one of my very good friends on this site Chrissy aka butterfly6.

We have bounce ideas off each other in the past and she knows how my mind works. Chrissy also became my co-writer for it too.

Months after first posting it I asked my other good friend on this site to go over it for me, and she became the beta for this story I mean the one and only the mistress of the Blackwater stories that are complex, dramatic, steamy, exciting the WILF girl herself Ms. Kei Kat Jones.

It you have now read any of her stories them it is a priority of the first order.

:) she knows I love her work.

_**Disclaimer: **_As always we are just borrowing the wonder work of S. Meyers to have some fun for a while.

Thanks to everyone that reviews my stories in the past and hope that you will continue to do so in the future.

Now with out further ado on with the story.

The song and it's lyrics are shown below.

_**Out Here On My Own By Irene Cara**_

_**Sometimes I wonder where I've been  
>Who I am, do I fit in<br>Make believin' is hard alone  
>Out here on my own<strong>_

_**We're always proving who we are  
>Always reaching for that rising star<br>To guide me far and shine me homeOut here on my own**_

_**When I'm down and feelin' blue  
>I close my eyes, so I can be with you<br>Baby, be strong for me, baby, belong to me  
>Help me through, help me need you<strong>_

_**Until the morning sun appears  
>Making light of all my fears<br>I dry the tears I've never shown  
>Out here on my own<strong>_

_**But when I'm down and feelin' blue  
>I close my eyes, so I can be with you<br>Oh baby, be strong for me, baby, belong to me  
>Help me through, help me need you<strong>_

_**Sometimes I wonder where I've been  
>Who I am, do I fit in<br>I may not win but I can't be thrown  
>Out here on my own, out here on my own<strong>_

_**Out Here On My Own**_

_**Sometimes I wonder where I've been  
>Who I am, do I fit in.<br>Make believin' is hard alone  
>Out here on my own (Song Lyrics by Irene Cara)<strong>_

She was going to do it. She wasn't really surprised at her decision as she looked around at everyone at the bonfire that night. Everyone to this day she still considered family. Her throat felt dry and a lump had settled but a part of her had known this decision was inevitable. She couldn't go on the way she was. She wasn't happy with her life and the way it had turned out. She was tired of the pain and hurt, and she wasn't going to be held back anymore. Not by her people, the pack, her mother, the tribe, her brother, her friends, her old lover, or even her recent lover. Even if it hurt the most to think she'd be leaving him behind she just couldn't stay. Especially now after she'd gone to the doctor today.

She'd always wondered why she'd been dealt such an unfair hand in life. So much had been torn from her at such a young age. Her father had always told her, "Leah, every person on this planet has to go through trials and tribulations in their lives. The stronger you are the more gets thrown at you. Everyone is different in their handling of them, but only the very strong can get through everything thrown at them only to come out of it wiser and stronger than ever before. Us Clearwaters are among the strongest and you my little sweet pea are by far the strongest of us all." Those were the words that had gotten her through some of the toughest times in her life but even then she hadn't thought she deserved so much. Maybe she didn't mind being weak if it meant things would have been easier for her.

If she'd only known then what she knew now but as they say hindsight is 20/20. She stayed longer than she normally would have at these little get togethers, all the while silently making peace with herself and feeling free for the first time in a long while.

Before she got up and left she glanced up at the sky in time to see a shooting star traveling across the black expanse and did what most everyone did when they saw one. She made a wish, and when she opened her eyes she somehow knew that this wish was special and it would come true. She smiled slightly as she thought of the last time she'd seen one. Two months ago when she'd made love to Him under the stars for the last time. She kissed both her mother and baby brother on the cheek before she left the gathering. She didn't need to look back to know that surprise was written on each person's face at the gesture. It had been a while since Leah had shown any public affection to anyone at the bonfire.

She chose to take the long way home, her hands digging into the pockets of her jeans. She didn't think; just let her feet take her on the familiar route. A subtle ache settled in her throat as she passed the memories began to play in her mind of her childhood, when she'd still been innocent and carefree. She passed by the park and the school grounds thinking about all the games she played as a child. She couldn't hold back the little snort of laughter as she remembered pushing Jared off the swing when they were both nine because he'd stolen it from seven year old Seth. Her mother hadn't been too happy when she'd came home with a split lip, but she was sure Jared's mom had been twice as mad about his black eye.

Walking down the one street of their tiny Rez that had actual shops, she paused momentarily outside of Ray's. The local hangout where all the high school parties had been held when she'd been younger. The letters were mostly faded now and she smiled nostalgically.

Leah continued her walk and drew a sharp breath as she spotted it up ahead, the single weeping willow the town had. The ache in her chest coiled into a tighter ball as she approached it and ran her fingers across the familiar carving. This memory washed over her almost as if it were just yesterday.

_Sam grabbed Leah's hand and drew her into the shadows as another car passed by them. Leah pressed her face into his shirt and stifled her giggles against his chest. Neither of them was supposed to be out, it was two in the morning and they were only 15. If anyone on the Rez spotted them they were dead meat. They'd been dating for well over two months but both were far too shy to initiate a first kiss._

_"Sam, you are going to get us into so much trouble!" Leah said, she meant for it to sound threatening, but the grin stretching across her face completely defied the point. _

_"Relax Lee-Lee, we'll be fine," he murmured pulling her against him and poking his head into the street light. He glanced both ways down the street before wrapping his fingers around hers and they both made a dash across the street. Now they were safely in the shadow of the drooping branches of the weeping willow._

_"What exactly are we doing?" Leah asked. She secretly didn't care, she was just glad to be spending more time with Sam, but the fact that he'd woken her up by throwing rocks at her window and then coerced her into this dangerous mission halfway across town warranted some kind of curiosity. _

_"You'll see," he murmured. He'd let go of her hand now and was concentrating on the tree. Leah leaned up on her toes and rested her chin on his shoulder to see what he was doing. The small flashlight in his hand was aimed at a section of the bark and the small knife in his hand was making quick work chipping away at it. A few more minutes and Sam backed away from the tree. Leah stepped in front of him and grabbed the flashlight from his hand, aiming it at the same section of bark. SAM + LEAH = FOREVER, was crudely cut into the tree. The corniness of it wasn't lost on Leah but the girl in her was overjoyed. She turned back to him with a giant smile and couldn't help the small laugh that escaped her._

_"You've reached a new level of corny Mr. Uley."_

_"Doesn't mean you don't still love me," he answered back settling his hands at her waist and pressing her ever so lightly back into the tree. She could practically feel the outline of the carved words against her back through her thin tank top. And as Sam lowered his head and kissed her for the first time in an explosion of fireworks, Leah couldn't help wishing that those words would prove true._

She let her fingers slip from the carving and continued her walk. She didn't mean to look but when she glanced at the trees with the little hidden clearing about a half mile behind them, her steps faltered. The bittersweet memory of Sam running his hands gently across her skin accosted her memory.

_The full moon lit up the sky and the two seventeen year old lovers. Sam didn't think he'd seen a more beautiful thing than Leah Clearwater's smooth tan skin bathed in the glow of the moon. Her dark tresses were fanned out on the blanket beneath her and her hands reached up to wrap around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. She'd been shy at first, using her hands to cover her body, but he'd assured her that she was flawless as he shed his own clothes, and after a few soft caresses she'd relaxed and touched him back. Nothing could compare to her soft slender fingers on his bare skin. She left a trail of heat behind, that seemed to burn and feel like bliss all at the same time. As he lowered his body over hers and she spread her legs welcoming him, he slid a hand beneath her hip and used the other to hold himself up. He settled at her entrance and gave her one more soft kiss before pressing forward and slipping as gently as possible inside of her. She gave a sharp gasp of pain and he stilled. Her fingers dug into his back and a soft whimper escaped her._

_"I'm sorry Leah," he whispered kissing along the salty trail of tears that slipped from her eyelids. _

_"It's okay Sam, I'm okay," she murmured back finding his lips again. She moved her hips gently against his and they fell into an unsteady rhythm, trying to find what all first time lovers did. Her winces of pain became small sighs of pleasure and before they knew it they were both coming apart planting wet kisses along any part of the other they could reach. After as they snuggled and looked up at the sky, Sam said the words Leah had been waiting to hear for what felt like a lifetime._

_"I love you Lee-Lee." He nuzzled her neck gently and Leah snuggled closer._

_"Say it again," she whispered with a cheeky smile. Sam chuckled against her neck._

_"I love you Leah, I love you, I love you, I love you. Now and for always. I love you. My perfect little Lee-Lee."_

This time she couldn't help letting a few tears escape as the ball in her chest threatened to burst. She wasn't angry anymore; she just wished all the forevers he'd promised had come true. When all was said and done, she had to admit, she didn't regret even one moment she'd spent with Sam. She continued on with her walk and let her mind drift to more recent events.

Falling in love with _**HIM**_ Brady of all people took her by surprise. He was five years her junior. But all it had taken was one summer's day a little over a year ago by the stream deep in the forest. Leah had been hiding in some bushes still in wolf form, enjoying being the only one phased at the moment. Sometimes it was relaxing napping in wolf form. She hadn't been doing much of anything, just staring into space across the stream. And maybe that was why when Brady climbed out of the stream, all dripping wet muscles and completely nude, she would have sworn he was a god that had fallen from the heavens. She hadn't wanted to get involved with another wolf. Not after everything she'd been through with Sam, she wasn't sure her heart could handle a repeat performance. But Brady made it so very easy to do exactly that. Everyone was against it but she was in love and very stubborn. She'd never been one to heed warnings.

It was their one year anniversary when Brady took her back to the stream for a moon light swim and picnic. With the new moon high in the sky Brady had made love to her over and over again, an animalistic edge to each new position. It was on that night that the shooting star flew over them, perfectly in accord with their final orgasm.

It wasn't even a week later that the one thing she'd feared most came to light. Brady imprinted. She almost doubled over as the pain of it hit her.

_Leah almost skipped in her excitement as she approached Brady's house. The dish in her hand was still hot but not more than her own skin, so she barely noticed it. She wanted to surprise him, so she'd done something completely unheard of for Leah Clearwater, she'd baked him cookies. Double chocolate chunk, because she knew they were his favorite. She wanted him to try them before they got cold, because everyone knew cookies were best when they were still warm. She climbed the porch steps quickly and pulled the mesh door open. The real wooden door was never closed unless it was night so she walked right in._

_"Brady! I made you-" she froze as the image before her hit her in the gut like a punch. Brady jumped guiltily away from the girl on the couch, but even as he did so he didn't glance at Leah. He kept his eyes on the girl, seeming to judge her reaction, wanting to know if she was okay. Leah looked at the girl, it was Irene. Her cousin, Emily's little sister. The sickest feeling of deja vu washed over Leah as the container holding the cookies fell to the floor and shattered. For the first time since she'd entered the house, Brady turned to look at her and Leah knew. His eyes didn't hold the shine of love they usually did when he looked at her, they were empty. But when he peeked back at Irene, they lit up tenfold and Leah knew she'd lost him. _

_"I think I'll just go," she whispered. She turned and stepped over the pieces of broken glass. Her heart felt as shattered as the glass and the pure pain jolted through her body. She wanted to curl into a hole somewhere and give up on everything. She couldn't figure out what she'd done to deserve it, any of it. She wanted to cry, she wanted to release every bit of pain she was feeling but she couldn't. It all hurt too much to cry. So she did the next best thing._

_She disappeared into the forest and phased, not even bothering to save her clothes. She sprinted through the forest, ignoring all the other wolf voices in her head as she ran. The image of Brady kissing Irene replayed in her head like some sickening broken record. _

_**Leah, are you okay?**_

_**What happened?**_

_**Shit! Brady imprinted?**_

_**I'm gonna kick his ass! **__The voices of Embry, Quil, Paul, and Seth filled her head. She couldn't concentrate on them though, she didn't care that all of them could see how broken hearted she was. She didn't have it in her to have some snappy comeback for all there stupid questions. She just wanted to run, to keep running, forever and ever. A voice rose above all the thoughts, the double timbre of the alpha command resounding in all their heads._

_**Everyone phase back, except Leah. Seth, stay away from Brady's house. In fact ALL of you stay away from Brady's house. **__They all drifted away until only Leah and Sam were left._

_**Leah? **__She didn't answer, she couldn't. __**Leah**__**…**__**I'm sorry, **__Sam whispered and then faded out. Leah didn't have time to really wonder what he meant by it, all she could see was the way Brady looked at Irene, just like he used to look at her, just like Sam used to look at her. What made every man she ever fell for leave her high and dry? She couldn't understand what was wrong with her? _

_She kept running, she didn't know for how long, but she knew she never slowed down and before she knew it, it was night time. The stars seemed to laugh at her pain and she pushed herself faster, harder. She broke through a section of bushes and skidded to a halt as she realized where she'd ended up. She was back at the stream, _their _stream. Right where they'd made love less than a week ago. The moon shown on the water in a mocking crescent smile and she sat brokenly and hung her head. They single question of why repeated in her head. Suddenly she lifted her head and looked at the stars, the shooting star a few days earlier had seemed like such a good sign, but now she knew it wasn't. She opened her mouth and cried the only way she knew how. Miles away in the comfort of their homes, Brady and Sam wrapped their arms around the women fate had given them, but both flinched at the piercing, pain filled howl of the lone wolf deep in the forest. _

She hasn't spoken a word to him or Irene since it all happened, and that was two months ago. Both had tried to talk to her but she wasn't ready to here what they had to say. It didn't stop Seth either from making his distaste about what happen to his sister again be known either.

No one would tell her what happen all she know was Seth had to be taken the Cullen mansion to have his arms popped back into place. But after that day Sam, Brady nor their imprints came near Leah again.

Who would have thought that her saving grace would be Jacob and the Cullen family.

Jacob was her shoulder to cry on.

Edward would just play the piano for her.

Rosalie and Alice both wanted to either dress her or go to the reservation and beat the living day lights out of all that hurt her.

They all were continually inviting her to come along with them for a fresh start. Up until the day they left the area two weeks ago.

It was well after midnight before Leah returned home. The others were still at the bonfire though and she had the house to herself for a little. She walked around the house remembering all the good and the bad times, all the laughter and the tears, all the screaming and the passionate love made in this home. Her first steps had been taken in this house walking back and forth from her mother to her father, her little baby gurgles sounding high pitched and happy through the room. She knew because she'd seen the home video a thousand times

Going to sleep in her father's arms as he sang to her. It still hurt when she thought of her father. No matter what anyone said, a part of her would always blame herself, but she was learning to forgive herself.

She stepped into the kitchen and smiled, she remembered the food fight she'd had with Seth in here when she was 14 and he was 12. It had taken hours to get the macaroni and cheese out of her hair and clean up the kitchen, but looking back now, she wouldn't have changed a thing.

She flicked the light on in the living room and tried not to get teary eyed staring at the couch. The look of shock on her mother's face was forever etched in her mind, first when she'd caught Leah kissing Sam on the couch and then years later when she'd done the same thing with Brady. Getting grounded. Slumber parties with the twins and Emily before the whole wolf mess. Everything, in fact other than all the wolf fiasco, all and all she'd had a pretty great childhood.

She smiled sadly at the living room one more time and then headed up the stairs to her room. For the last week she has been going through all of her belongings unbeknownst to everyone. Her suitcases were already packed and in her Ford-Runner, all she had left to do was write the notes to everyone. She'd been going back and forth with the decision to leave for a while now but the test results had made up her mind.

Her prayers had been answered.

She was pregnant.

She was pregnant with Brady's child.

She was pregnant with Brady's child and now he was an imprinted man.

Her former Alpha Jacob was leaving next week to join his imprint and the rest of the Cullen's clan in Alaska

And she was going too.

She needed a fresh start.

For herself and her baby.

She finished the last letter and looked up at the clock; it was three in the morning. Her mother had gotten home around one and was in bed already, Seth had gotten back from patrolling about an hour ago. She knew he was asleep by now. She headed downstairs quietly and dropped the letters on the table before grabbing her purse and heading out the door.

She was free.

And no one was going to stop her this time.

Leah locked the door to both her house and old life. She began to breathe easier with each mile she left behind, but if she had paid just a little more attention as she drove out of La Push, she would have seen the four people in the village that loved her the most watching her go from their hiding places.

Sue and Seth from their bedroom windows.

Sam from his front porch.

And Brady from the forest beside the Clearwater home. Brady couldn't stop the tears that was streaming down his face as he watched his soul mate go out of his life. Even with the imprint Leah was driving away with his heart. Leah was his soul mate not Irene. Brady would always believe that.

They all knew that she was leaving them.

They just hadn't known when.

Something about her mood tonight at the bonfire told them all to watch.

But they'd all known.

They couldn't stop her this time.

They wouldn't stop her this time.

They didn't want to stop her this time.

They all knew they had to let her go to find her own happiness in this world.

And that is really all any of them had ever wanted was to see Leah happy.

_**Sometimes I wonder where I've been,  
>Who I am, do I fit in.<br>I may not win, but I can't be thrown,  
>Out here on my own.<strong>_


End file.
